I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
