I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
