he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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