I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
40s are totally the cure
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
