If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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