I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
