Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
