that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
