so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
