I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
