Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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