You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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