She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
