I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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