Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
