woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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