Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
