I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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