Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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