i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
