Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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