no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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