i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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