I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
