Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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