he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
