She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
