who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
