We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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