All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
