Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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