his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
