so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
