Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
