I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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