Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
