We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
sex in a hospital.. check
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
