I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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