can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
