Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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