never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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