He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
