Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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