I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
