if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
