my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
After last night, I could never be a politician.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
