I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
