I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
