Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
