STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
