Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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