god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
