There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
