a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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