The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
