SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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