I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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