i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
