We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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