No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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