so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
