Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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